CHOOSE OR DIE. A game of pick-up sticks has more tension

There was once a film called Jumanji. Remember it? Kids played a board game that pulled them in so much it started affecting their reality. As the game progressed, fantastic things began to happen, the strangest of which was a vibrant jungle appearing right in the middle of the city. Something tells me the creators of Choose or Die had a similar goal in mind: they wanted their movie’s game to “manifest” itself in the same way. Except instead of emerging from a board, it would come out of a computer screen. The problem is, they forgot the most important part — explaining the rules to the audience and sticking to them as if they were commandments.

I don’t have much good to say about Netflix’s production. Let’s get the positives of Choose or Die out of the way right from the start. First, the cinematographer did their homework. I like the visuals, their color palette, and especially the suitably dark, gritty tone. Second — whatever else you might say about the film — it does have a very atmospheric soundtrack. It’s a bit of a shame to see the talent of Liam Howlett, the legendary frontman of the British group The Prodigy, used here to create a musical commentary for a horror film instead of blasting tracks at a club. Or rather — to create music for something that was meant to be horror. I dare say… a game of pick-up sticks has more tension than this film.

The core problem with Choose or Die is that it only puts on a scary face. It looks like it’s trying to be frightening, but it’s obvious that behind it all is someone dressed up in an innocent clown costume. The film is pure grotesque. In scenes where we were supposed to feel tension, the screen overflows with farce. This farce manifests mainly through an odd, hard-to-define pantomime of the characters’ movements, as if they were part of a circus act. Of course, this stems from the fact that the computer game bleeding into real life treats people like its puppets. Honestly, the so-called horror scenes in Choose or Die would be better suited for an energy bar commercial—or some other high-intensity product—than for a movie that insists on delivering its ideas in such a deadly serious way.

As I’ve said, some shots look appealing, especially when the music is playing. But what’s the point of watching a film that’s at its most interesting when the actors aren’t speaking or when we’re stuck in the lulls between the action? Everything else comes off as a joke. There’s not a single believable element in this fictional world, and the attempts to add drama — trauma, addiction, the hardships of life — feel forced in. Then, when the so-called climax arrives, we still learn nothing that could convincingly explain why the devilish game suddenly starts affecting the characters out of nowhere. The clumsy, downright idiotic explanation about some “interacting symbols” isn’t even worth repeating.

Choose or Die is a clumsy, B-grade movie that doesn’t even qualify as a guilty pleasure. It also reeks of cheap nostalgia-baiting, thanks to its flirtation with gamers’ emotions. So let me address you directly, gamers — you’ll likely be the film’s main audience. Don’t be fooled. If you love this kind of vibe and are curious how video game aesthetics can seep into film, I strongly recommend checking out titles like Tron, Gamer, Level Up, Ready Player One, or the excellent reboot of Jumanji I mentioned earlier. As for Choose or Die, skip it — it goes down as smoothly as chewing broken glass (a parallel I can draw to one of the movie’s “sinister” scenes).

When I listed the film’s pros earlier, I left one out: it has huge potential for sequels. I’m certain the creators will take advantage of that, turning it into the next Purge — at least in terms of being a low-budget horror with a catchy, flexible concept. But that’s a selling point only for money-hungry producers, not for us. Not for a discerning audience that values originality and flair. Contrary to the dilemma suggested by the title, there’s no emergency exit here. If you choose it, you’ll simply die. Of embarrassment.