SPARTAN: Great Truths Revealed by the Val Kilmer Film

How much did the author of this text actually know about the work of secret services before watching Spartan? Not much. And what was their opinion of David Mamet‘s work? Very positive.

However, after watching the famous director’s film, everything changed. The sun shone brighter, the wind stopped blowing over Warsaw’s Ursynów district, and “tastes” turned into “little tastes” – from that moment on, the life of a secret agent held no more secrets for the author, while David Mamet was, at least temporarily, no longer considered a good director.

Still, complaining is really out of place here. Spartan is an extremely didactic film – one might even say it “broadens horizons.” David Mamet boldly sketches the portrait of the ideal special agent – an extraordinary, strong, brave, relentless individual who, of course, “isn’t afraid of hard work.” True, we don’t see our super-agent in the comfort of his home, but surely, when no boss is looking, the ideal officer cheerfully helps his wife with the laundry. Unfortunately, Mamet didn’t see fit to show us what garments exactly get washed in a special agent’s apartment, but they are certainly red superhero suits labeled The Incredibles.

So what lesson does Spartan offer? What Great Truths about the life of a secret agent are inextricably linked to Mamet’s film? Let’s take a look:

1. A secret service officer doesn’t work on trivial matters.

A true-blue agent only handles matters of national importance, such as the disappearance of the President of the United States’ daughter – Laura (heroines with that name have a certain tendency to vanish mysteriously). This daughter, although inherently restless, is the media’s darling. Her parents beam at her under the spotlight, the nation loves her, the flags around her flutter more vigorously in the wind, and the tabloids speculate about the color of her underwear. In this situation – especially with Daddy running for reelection – the sudden absence of the firstborn is rather inconvenient. She must be found, and quickly, before the media sniffs out the story. Naturally, one of the best secret agents in the U.S., Robert Scott (Val Kilmer!), takes on the case.

2. A secret service officer doesn’t sleep, eat, or drink – they immediately carry out their mission.

“When was the last time you slept, agent?” – the supervisor asks early in the film. “That doesn’t matter,” replies agent Scott, nonchalantly. And rightly so – sleeping would be morally questionable when the President’s daughter is in danger. Who among us could rest easy if, say, the First Lady suddenly went missing? So Scott skips napping and gets straight to work. The best place to start? A little data transfer from the First Daughter’s First Boyfriend. And with that cheerful moment, the plot of Spartan begins to unfold…

3. A secret service officer doesn’t hesitate to punch the opponent in the face.

The special agent in Mamet’s film is a straightforward hero. He may not snack on doughnuts, but the “strong arm method” is his go-to solution for all conflicts. And where is your assertiveness, agent Scott? The most serious criticism of the screenwriter – David Mamet – is the complete lack of believability in his characters. The line into absurdity is finally crossed with agent Scott, whose righteousness, sacrifice, and excessive reliance on brute force make him resemble Rambo in Vietnam more than any previous Mamet protagonist. And truly, if Spartan had been directed by some Hollywood journeyman of simple action cinema, there’d be no issue. But this film is, start to finish, the work of the man behind such brilliant works as Homicide or House of Games. Back then – admittedly a while ago – Mamet’s films had no room for overdrawn characters like Robert Scott, who, to make matters worse, is played rather poorly by an overly theatrical Val Kilmer.

4. A secret service officer is eloquent, quick, and agile.

That last trait – agility – might be especially important. Both mental agility (our hero uncovers a massive national conspiracy by the end) and physical agility. Scott runs, kicks, drives, and shoots, even venturing into culturally exotic territories (for an American, at least). He does five things at once and comes close to rivaling the legendary Alexis (from Dynasty), who, in a single scene, could take a bubble bath, talk on the phone (and risk her life, as this was before wireless), sip the finest champagne, receive guests, and plan brutal revenge on Blake. Except Joan Collins did all that with incredible grace – a quality Val Kilmer clearly lacks.

Even the director and screenwriter – perhaps especially them – lack this described grace. And even the ending – that famed Mamet-style cinematic suspense – isn’t particularly impressive here. Not that the finale is the most important factor in this case. Mamet’s films were always a playground for interpreters. He used to explore conspiracy theories with finesse, analyze the mechanisms of human conflict with passion, and reveal the gray yet ruthless face of America – all usually in the company of philosophy. As a result, his films were often rich in ambiguity – but it was the best kind: intelligent and cynically provocative. In Spartan, Mamet only vaguely and accidentally touches upon the hypocrisy of modern America, and even that disappears into the depths of a weak script, wooden acting, and sheer cinematic boredom. Has Mamet – with all his talent and independence – suddenly plunged headfirst into the swamp of American empty talk?

5. A secret service officer never gives up.

In the end, one can only root for Spartan’s creator. Because if this plummeting directorial form continues its nosedive, Mamet may soon be leaving the pantheon of great directors named “David” and dropping to the second league of cinema. Unless, of course, he becomes a Spartan himself and single-handedly fights the Hollywood style he now seems neck-deep in. That kind of battle would be pure pleasure – if not for Mamet, then at least for his audience…