CRACOW MONSTERS. A Painful Disappointment

Due to the subject matter I deal with daily in my doctoral research, namely folk horror, I was very curious about a Polish production, Cracow Monsters, that was supposed to explore motifs characteristic of Slavic mythology, drawing heavily from folk tales, beliefs, and the Polish bestiary. The series had a chance to be a real blast, but in the hands of Kasia Adamik – who, in my opinion, is not a remarkable director – it’s a total failure on every possible level. The script is half-baked, the acting at best average, and the story itself drowns in such depths of Cracow’s darkness that, having recently been there, I wondered if it was even the same place. So is it worth checking out this new Netflix series?

In my opinion, it’s better to skip this production. Unfortunately, the script is nowhere near Slavic mythology, and the creators vaguely explained that the lack of sources forced them to present their own interpretation related to monsters and beliefs, which is complete nonsense. In the end, the eight episodes have more flaws than merits, showing that if the project had been handled by a much more capable team that had done proper research and spent more time polishing the script – especially the clunky dialogues and character motivations – we could have gotten a truly intriguing show, something on par with the German Dark.

It’s hard for me to accept that the creators actually had a self-playing premise with a group of nine characters possessing unusual abilities and personalities. I don’t know how, but every single character is incredibly shallow and cardboard, and Professor Zawadzki himself, who oversees the gifted scholarship students, is for me an absolute misunderstanding and a huge waste of Andrzej Chyra’s acting talent. And let’s be honest, I wasn’t expecting anything more than good entertainment, yet what I got was several hours of pure cliché, oddly enough devoid of exposition, filled instead with tedious stretches.

The plot? I honestly don’t know what it even wants to be: a monster series, a detective story, a drama, a folk horror? You’ll find practically every possible genre here. It’s just a shame that it all leads nowhere. As is typical for a Netflix production, there’s an LGBTQ+ thread. And I love when people belonging to that community appear on the big and small screen and contribute something to the story. Here, however, the bisexuality theme was treated a bit too superficially for my personal standards. Besides, lines like to spice up life a little… I don’t think that reflects well on people who identify as bisexual.

There are many such odd aspects, including the fact that everyone assumes Professor Zawadzki sleeps with his students. And I know that the Jagiellonian University currently has a rather shady reputation when it comes to PhD candidates and lecturers, but it’s quite strange that when someone sees Zawadzki with a student, they immediately assume he’s sleeping with her. Equally strange is that Alex concludes that he’s, colloquially speaking, hitting on her, even though they’ve just left the place where a little boy died. I have no idea how the main character came to the conclusion that the scuffle between her and the professor was… well, exactly what?

Unfortunately, the script is written in such a way that many plotlines remain unanswered or are handled so bizarrely that the number of coincidences is too great even for a Netflix production. The same goes for the characterization of individual characters, with a particular emphasis on the protagonist, Alex, who is supposed to be our link to the world of the supernatural, yet it’s hard to identify with her when the only things that define her are alcohol abuse, drugs, casual sex, and the all-encompassing darkness surrounding her. It seems creators always assume that if someone has problems and a difficult past, they can only express it in one way – through substance abuse.

And yes, I know Alex is marked by trauma, but the screenwriter writes her as a completely unrestrained character, even though she’s an exceptionally intelligent medical student who has a friend psychiatrist suggesting she might have schizophrenia, and instead of taking medication or starting therapy, she prefers to drink vodka at 3 a.m. in a bar. But what do I know.

The problem also lies with the entire group gathered around the Professor, each of whom displays certain supernatural abilities. Surprisingly, they all happen to be studying medical fields in Cracow – what a coincidence. There are more such situations, for example in the discovery of another person who could theoretically be a member of the team, where the whole resolution feels a bit like deus ex machina. Unfortunately, the actors playing the quorum members don’t have much to work with, and their dialogues are as stiff as you can possibly imagine. It’s genuinely hard to watch their attempts to squeeze anything out of the script beyond cringe-worthy lines that no one would ever use in real life.

The same applies to the character played by Andrzej Chyra, which is particularly painful, because he’s an outstanding actor. I have no idea how he agreed to take part in this, since even at the script level it’s clear that it’s one big mess. Unfortunately, the production shrouded in endless darkness isn’t scary in the slightest, and the monsters are so poorly designed that it’s genuinely painful to look at the CGI. Of course, I don’t expect anyone to use practical effects, but what was created with computer technology is simply atrocious.

It looks bad and cheap, although from what I’ve read, the budget for the production wasn’t particularly impressive. Especially since, in the case of individual deities from the Slavic pantheon, we’re dealing with interpretation, which offers a huge opportunity for creativity in their appearance. The creators, however, took the easy way out, and the final result is far from satisfying.

Cracow Monsters is really a proposition for die-hard fans of Kasia Adamik, because in my opinion it’s a completely misguided project. It’s much better to spend your time watching Polish Legends created by Tomek Bagiński and Allegro than this Slavic knockoff, which offers no interesting story, introduces no compelling characters, and treats folklore superficially.

And one could argue whether there is enough source material or not, but the academic resources on Slavic mythology we currently have are sufficient to create something new and engaging. It’s neither a Polish attempt at folk horror nor dark fantasy. I find it hard to categorize this rather odd creation at all. The door to a continuation remains open, but as far as I’m concerned, it’s a firm no.