NEW YORK NINJA: A Film Released After Nearly 40 Years. A Must-See

Sometimes, films end up shelved after production, only to sit there for years until someone stumbles upon them by accident. New York Ninja met a similar fate. However, it hardly comes close to being a good movie, and its backstory is as fascinating as the so-called “plot” it presents on screen. It’s difficult to assess the film as a whole—except perhaps as pure, absurd fun—because it has nothing that could genuinely be considered a merit. Perhaps, if there were a competition for the “best worst movie,” New York Ninja would easily secure a spot on the podium. But let’s take it from the top.

The main character of this story (and the titular lead), martial artist John Liu, began his career in Taiwan. After conquering the local market with productions that no one in the Western world had heard of, he moved to Europe in the early 1980s. There, he founded his own studio and produced a handful of gloriously B-grade films with titles like In the Clutches of the CIA. Before long, however, Liu decided that true success could only be achieved in Hollywood. So, he moved across the ocean and, in 1984, with a staggering budget of $100 (one hundred dollars, spelled out for emphasis), shot the footage for New York Ninja. The press announced the film with great fanfare, but Liu’s company went bankrupt, and the reels of unedited footage were shelved. The actor himself soon ended his career (though one might ask whether it’s possible to end something that barely started).

Luckily for future generations, employees of Vinegar Syndrome—a company specializing in preserving genre films for posterity—rediscovered the dusty reels of New York Ninja. Although the soundtracks were missing, no one could reconstruct the original script, and John Liu had no desire to revisit his “glorious” (?) youth, this didn’t deter the specialists (or perhaps desperate enthusiasts—or, given the film’s quality, sadists) at Vinegar Syndrome. They decided to cobble together a plot with what they had and released the results to an unprepared world in 2021.

Oh sweet Jesus… I can’t even describe what they created. Even at the peak of irony, throwing out sarcasm like New York Ninja hurls shurikens, I can’t fully convey the absurdity on screen. The “plot” (and I use that term very loosely) consists of lazily stitched-together clichés typical of bottom-shelf action movies from VHS rental stores (the equivalent of today’s bargain-bin DVDs at supermarkets). To make matters worse (or better, depending on your perspective), not knowing the content of the original dialogue, the producers recorded new lines, bringing in second-tier cult actors like Don “The Dragon” Wilson and Cynthia Rothrock. The result is two stories—visual and auditory—that don’t necessarily align.

The “plot”… In the opening scene, the protagonist’s wife announces she’s pregnant. Naturally, moments later, she’s killed with a rubber knife, prompting our hero to go on a quest for justice after a brief grieving period (limited to shouting “Why?!” and pacing back and forth). He has plenty to do—crime runs rampant in New York, the subway resembles filthy, graffiti-covered slums, and a mysterious antagonist with the appearance of Elton John is kidnapping women while speaking as if suffering from chronic constipation. It’s impossible to list all the “highlights,” such as “spectacular” fight scenes (with a nod to Jackie Chan’s Drunken Master), continuity errors galore, the unluckiest reporter in the world (kidnapped or attacked three times in 90 minutes of screen time), a sex scene that only halfway through reveals itself to be a sex scene, rubber and wooden knives, plastic guns, a helicopter sequence, and another where the ninja is dragged behind a car like Indiana Jones in Raiders of the Lost Ark… In short, it’s a flood of kitsch, amateurism, and absurdity in every frame. Pure, unfiltered beauty.

I won’t write any more so as not to deprive anyone of the joy of experiencing this masterpiece. Suffice it to say, New York Ninja is essential viewing—a borderline mystical experience.

Written by Piotr Zymelka