MOMMY DEAD AND DEAREST: Deconstructing Murderous Tragedy

Gypsy suffered from leukemia, muscular dystrophy, epilepsy, was hard of hearing, had poor vision, was mentally delayed, disabled, moved exclusively in a wheelchair, and required 24-hour care. A heavy cross to bear, yet Dee Dee carried it with grace and a smile. It was heartwarming to witness the tender bond between mother and daughter. This is why everyone who met the family immediately felt the urge to help, support, offer relief, and give something of themselves… From large charitable organizations to the closest neighbors – people’s hearts opened to the tragedy of Mrs. Blancharde and her daughter. So, when an alarming post unexpectedly appeared on Dee Dee’s Facebook wall, friends were immediately alarmed. “The bitch is dead” – was this a distasteful joke? Had someone hacked the account? Or had something really happened? Mommy Dead and Dearest

Everyone who knew the Blanchard family’s situation was in for a major shock. It wasn’t Dee Dee who wrote that post, nor had anyone hacked her account. The post was made by Gypsy, who, as it turned out, didn’t actually need a wheelchair. She moved around just fine, didn’t suffer from any muscle degeneration, and was certainly not mentally delayed; on the contrary, she was eloquent and sharp.

It was her mother, Dee Dee, who had spent years constructing a facade of lies, manipulation, and abuse, deceiving everyone around her, even her own daughter, who had been led to believe from a very young age that she was gravely ill, living in a complete fantasy. Eventually, as Gypsy grew older, she slowly began to break free from Dee Dee’s grip. It was no longer possible to secretly inject her with muscle relaxants or feed her a mountain of medications with long lists of side effects. Gypsy could no longer be kept in isolation from the world, and once she discovered the internet, she also found a way to start a romantic relationship with a boyfriend. Together, they devised a plan with one main goal – to get rid of Dee Dee once and for all.

Dee Dee Blancharde suffered from an advanced form of Munchausen syndrome by proxy. By creating a long list of ailments for her daughter, she gained what she desired: sympathy, attention, and affection from those around her. She also ensured herself a comfortable lifestyle, various perks, free trips, and gifts, all by exploiting people’s desire to help. In relation to Gypsy, she satisfied the obsessive need for control that is characteristic of individuals suffering from this disorder.

The documentary Mommy Dead and Dearest presents the entire case from Gypsy’s and her loved ones’ perspectives, as well as from the viewpoint of Dee Dee’s family. Gypsy faces a total of ten years in prison, but paradoxically, it is only behind bars that she feels truly free. She can finally breathe fully. A new life and new possibilities now lie ahead of her. Step by step, with increasing disbelief, we witness the hell this girl lived in every day – a world she knew nothing else. In her world, her mother was the oracle and the law. She trusted her, believed her words. Even when Dee Dee shaved Gypsy’s head, claiming, “Your hair will fall out anyway.” Even when she tried to lock her daughter in a princess-like world of fairy tales and pink dresses, so that Gypsy would feel younger than her real age. When Gypsy’s father called to wish her a happy 18th birthday, Dee Dee forbade him from mentioning anything about adulthood – because Gypsy was supposedly supposed to believe she was only 14 years old. Of course, it’s much easier to manipulate a child…

Blancharde’s skill in deceiving everyone, starting with her closest family, was extraordinary. She lied as easily as she breathed, and no one even thought to question the situation she had created. This led to a long list of people who failed Gypsy. Most notably, her father, who took every lie from his ex-wife at face value. While he now recognizes his own short-sightedness, he still tries to at least partially absolve himself. Many of his mistakes were made simply for convenience – after all, illness, especially such a serious one, is a heavy burden, an obligation, a limitation. It was much easier to shift that weight onto his wife’s shoulders, especially since she was so eager to take it on.

Doctors, too, failed – or perhaps, more accurately, they mostly enabled Dee Dee. Throughout her life, Gypsy saw dozens of doctors. Some questioned Dee Dee’s claims, but she always had a stack of convincing explanations ready – such as the medical records that had been destroyed by Hurricane Katrina. When she sensed suspicion building around her, she simply changed hospitals, doctors, or even homes. A completely healthy girl was fed through a feeding tube, subjected to dozens of surgical interventions, and pumped full of massive amounts of medication… She grew up believing that her mother knew best. Her mother knew what was good. After all, she wouldn’t want to harm her beloved daughter, right? The suspicions never led to real help. The system also failed to keep up with the scale of the problem – while child neglect is an obvious case for intervention, when the situation is the complete opposite…

Erin Lee Carr’s documentary attempts to reconstruct Dee Dee’s life, her upbringing, behaviors, and offers several possible interpretations of the origins of her disorders, including a genetic predisposition. However, the director continually finds herself hitting dead ends, as the answer to the question “why?” is far from obvious. For the Blancharde family – her father, stepmother, and nephew – it is clear that she was simply “bad.” This convenient label, however, says little. What seems more important than asking “why?” is raising awareness of the existence of such a problem, how it might manifest, and where it can lead. How will Gypsy’s life unfold, having been raised in deception and taught to lie from an early age? After all, she knew she wasn’t paralyzed, but obediently played along with her mother’s will, pretending she was. What kind of damage had been done to her mind? What long-term therapy would she need? How would this toxic relationship – an inseparable knot of love and hate – affect her understanding of and ability to play the roles of wife and mother?

 

Unfortunately, Carr was unable to obtain an interview with Gypsy’s boyfriend, Nick Godejohn, who was awaiting trial. He was the one who ultimately took Dee Dee’s life, but there is an intriguing element here. Nick claims that after the fact, he and Gypsy grew closer. Gypsy, however, asserts that Nick raped her. Is this another tragic element of the girl’s life, or is it a continuation of a pattern? The film is missing Nick’s perspective on the relationship, as well as an analysis of their bond from his point of view. He rode in like a knight in shining armor to rescue his beloved at her request… and yet he is now labeled a criminal, a psychopath, and a rapist, facing life imprisonment. Based on Gypsy’s one-sided account, snippets from the interrogation, and quotes from online chats, he is portrayed as an unstable, disturbed individual with a tendency toward domination and violence. Perhaps he truly is. However, there is too little information (and too much subjectivity) to make any definitive statements about him. Nevertheless, Gypsy’s mindset seems to have shifted, from declarations like “you mean everything to me, let’s do this” to “he’s strange, I don’t know what’s wrong with him.” The tone of her narrative contrasts sharply with the tone of the correspondence she had with Nick on that fateful day. And today? There is no longer great love. No more shared dreams. Was this because Gypsy came to realize Nick’s true nature – or was it simply because the goal had been achieved…?

Without diminishing the enormity of the harm that Gypsy endured – its magnitude is difficult to fully grasp – it is also hard to ignore the possibility that the seasoned manipulator may have successfully raised a similarly skilled manipulator, someone with chameleon-like talents. Not necessarily cold-blooded and calculating, it should be added. Gypsy followed the voice of instinct, driven by a single impulse: the desire to survive. Like a kidnap victim who sees only one chance to regain freedom, she did not weigh the gains and losses. She fought, as best as she could, using all her skills. At this point in her life, her actions were understandable and ultimately happy for her. But will it happen again? Will Gypsy free herself from this cycle, or will she begin to weave her own web of lies? These doubts are distinctly felt toward the end of the film.

Perhaps, paradoxically, prison will prove to be a saving grace for her, serving as a transitional period. After all, even prison, quoting Gypsy, is definitely better than living with Dee Dee. The girl feels as though she has been reborn. Most likely, she will be released as soon as possible, in 2024. Will she quietly step into the shadows, trying to live her own life? Or will we hear more about her… and in what context?